I just finished watching Sir Terry Pratchett’s Choosing to Die documentary on the BBC. I found the programme incredibly moving but, and this surprised me, I’m not sad or depressed, it normally taking very little to send me into depression. Instead I feel like I got a sense of the peace that those choosing to die in Switzerland seemed to get; a feeling of a weight being lifted. Full credit must go to the film makers for managing to make such a sensitive and tasteful documentary on this subject.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to watch the programme and a number of times I nearly turned it off because I wasn’t sure I wanted to see the end. I stuck with it because it’s a subject to which I’ve given a lot of consideration, presented by a man I have the utmost respect for, not only as an author but for the way he has dealt with being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
I’ve always been in favour of everyone having the right to choose the time of their own death if they wish. I’m only 29, I hope I have many more years to live but the thought of degenerative conditions that eventually leave you without control of your own mind or body scare me, really scare me. I’ve always been of the opinion that I would choose to die when I was still in control rather than later. Of course, you never really know until you’re faced with it.
My problem is I don’t believe there is anything beyond this life. What I know is we live in an world full of fantastic places, amazing people and wonderful opportunities and I believe in making the most of every day. As I watched the program I realised how difficult I would find it to make that decision. I thought about how hard it would be to look at those Alps on the horizon and know I’d never see them any closer than that. Could I take my own life when the next day could turn out to be the best day of it? Would I be able to leave behind friends and family who really care.
I don’t think it’s changed my mind on the ‘right to die’ issue. If anything it’s made me realise how important it is to people. We’re not talking about a system that would see vulnerable people persuaded to take their own lives in huge numbers. We’re talking about a system with good safeguards that allows those who really feel they would like to go now rather than degenerate to a point where they have no control and are a burden on others.
What I have learned tonight is I don’t think I could make that decision. As I said earlier, there is no way of knowing until you’re faced with it, but I think I would really struggle to decide that this was the last day – I would always want to know what tomorrow held.
And that was what moved me most of all. To see Sir Terry Pratchett, someone I consider one of my heroes, knowing that his condition means it’s go early or it will be beyond his control…